After returning from a two week trip through Grenoble, Geneva, and Paris I have found that, albeit the cities and destinations are amazing, that I am losing that sense of wanderlust. Sure I went snowboarding in the French Alps--my lifelong dream--and visited one of my good friends in Paris, but something has been missing. I don´t know if other travelers have experienced this but I have found myself becoming nostalgic. Not for experiences that I have had around the world, but for home. I am surprised that I have been feeling this way, but I cannot seem to tear away my mind from things that I miss from my homeland. I miss the lifestyle, the friendliness, the freedom of movement, and most of all I miss my family and friends. Don´t get me wrong, traveling and experiencing new cultures is something that I will forever be grateful for, but sometimes it´s lonely. It is hard to see family and friends sharing experiences and time together and not be apart of those memories. Last year I lost my grandfather while I was in South Korea, and although I was able to attend his wake, I never was able to spend those last days with him. I still have the memories that we shared over the years, and I know he was proud of me for being so brave and putting myself out there to experience the world like never before, but oftentimes I wish I still had been there with him.
I cannot relish on the past and regret the decisions I have made, because they have been overwhelming beneficial to me, but there is a lot of things you give up when you travel that I never anticipated. I have been so afraid to admit this, and I don´t know why. Maybe I was afraid that by admitting this I would lose sight of the reason why I decided to travel in the first place: to find myself. I have learned many things over the past couple years and most importantly I have learned what I want. I want to feel that sense of belonging. I want to feel like I am apart of something. When you travel, you are not considered apart of anything, just a mere observer to the people to actually inhabit the area and call it home. I remember when I worked at Crested Butte Mountain resort in Colorado and I would mock and laugh at the tourists who flocked to the mountain. I guess it´s my turn to be laughed at when I try to speak Spanish to the locals. How quickly the tables have turned :) I need to determine what the best path for me is. I am going to make the most of my time here in Spain for the time being, but I know that this will be my last year teaching. Not only have I lost that sense of belonging but I have also lost the desire to educate. Mostly because children are selfish and extremely stressfful, but also because I am ready for something new. I find it extremely boring making lesson plans and determining what to do for the next week with a bunch of hooligans, so I am going to complie my resources and begin a new phase of my life. Wow, that felt good to say (type?). Sometimes traveling opens more doors than you think.
I can confidently say that I am closing the doors on my teaching career and I am opening myself up to a new experience. I am allowing myself to experience a changing moment. It is scary. I don´t know what to do, or think, or say, but I just know that I am not passionate about teaching. Therefore, I am saying goodbye world (for now at least) and finding a career that will stir my soul. Let the magic happen!
I cannot relish on the past and regret the decisions I have made, because they have been overwhelming beneficial to me, but there is a lot of things you give up when you travel that I never anticipated. I have been so afraid to admit this, and I don´t know why. Maybe I was afraid that by admitting this I would lose sight of the reason why I decided to travel in the first place: to find myself. I have learned many things over the past couple years and most importantly I have learned what I want. I want to feel that sense of belonging. I want to feel like I am apart of something. When you travel, you are not considered apart of anything, just a mere observer to the people to actually inhabit the area and call it home. I remember when I worked at Crested Butte Mountain resort in Colorado and I would mock and laugh at the tourists who flocked to the mountain. I guess it´s my turn to be laughed at when I try to speak Spanish to the locals. How quickly the tables have turned :) I need to determine what the best path for me is. I am going to make the most of my time here in Spain for the time being, but I know that this will be my last year teaching. Not only have I lost that sense of belonging but I have also lost the desire to educate. Mostly because children are selfish and extremely stressfful, but also because I am ready for something new. I find it extremely boring making lesson plans and determining what to do for the next week with a bunch of hooligans, so I am going to complie my resources and begin a new phase of my life. Wow, that felt good to say (type?). Sometimes traveling opens more doors than you think.
I can confidently say that I am closing the doors on my teaching career and I am opening myself up to a new experience. I am allowing myself to experience a changing moment. It is scary. I don´t know what to do, or think, or say, but I just know that I am not passionate about teaching. Therefore, I am saying goodbye world (for now at least) and finding a career that will stir my soul. Let the magic happen!